Friday, April 1

The Punch List

Ok, so last year I had a list of people that I wanted to place on a boat and send into the middle of the Atlantic (or Pacific, I’m not picky), never to return again. Well, I guess that I have grown more bitter, because I now compile a list of people that I would like to punch…in the face. Now, mind you, most people I will never even encounter in my life and I highly doubt that they will allow me to fulfill my fantasy and not face jail time, but I have the list, just in case. (They are in no specific order.)

Ashlee Simpson – so funny she is at the top of the list, because I really do dislike this Jessica wannabe, no talent loser!

Jessica Simpson – as long as I mentioned her name, I was reminded that she needs a punch too for being such a dimwit. In case you are wondering, Nick is not on the list, because marrying Jessica was punishment enough!

Avril Lavigne - I am so sick of the whining she calls singing and anyone who doesn't know who David Bowie is, has been living under a rock and I don't like rock dwellers.

Brittany Spears - she needs a punch in the face for her own good! She had a great thing going and then she married that "dancer". Maybe a punch in the face will snap her out of it!

Jamie Fox - again, someone who needs the punch so they will snap out of it. Stop pretending you are Ray Charles, because you aren't. I am so sick of it. You have talent, so get over Ray, I know it is hard, but you can do it and if you need to punch, let me know.

Jimmy Fallon - man, Jimmy, I had such high hopes for you when you were my imaginary boyfriend and now you are ruining it. I had to dump you back when you made Taxi with the queen and now this new movie, Fever Pitch....yuck!! And I saw you on Leno last night and you really need to lay off the drugs. Makes me so angry when perfectly cute men do stupid things.

Paris Hilton – anyone who has that much money and still talks baby talk, automatically gets a punch!

Robin Williams – you could just take a valium, but maybe my punch would slow you down. If anyone is a poster child for ADHD, it is you.

My brother – for making me buy you food at the store that you insist that you want, and then not eating it. Don’t you know there are starving people in Africa. For wasting food….you get a punch, not as hard as some of the others, but you still get the punch.

Pat O’Brien – What a jerk! You know he is just by looking at him. And now, I hear that he is in rehab…Oh Pat!!

Billy Busch – from Access Hollywood. He is secretly a hobbit who interviews celebs with the dumbest questions.

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