Wednesday, July 13

My Pity Party was Uber Fun!

Had to throw myself a little pity party last night complete with hats and streamers due to the sudden overwhelming curse of misfortune that has been going on lately. Not just bad luck garbage, but also the stress of my life is weighing on me so heavily I can barely stand.
This hunt for a place to live is unbearable. There is nothing that I dread doing more than going to look at places I don't want to live at prices I cannot afford to pay. Just driving and looking for places is depressing. I also have to pack and leave the place that I am in and haven't even done a tip of that mighty iceberg. I have been a bit distracted lately, so all kinds of "business" tasks have just sat there, staring at me......beckoning for me to do something.
I just don't wanna.
Sure, this may kinda fit into my plan of simplifying, maybe I won't take it all. Maybe I will throw away or give away some crap I should have years ago, but I just don't want to have to do all that. And in the back of my head I hear the ticking of time just flying by faster than I ever imagined. Not to mention that sweet little voice asking countless times, "why do we have to move, mom?" Necessity. It is time. 'Cuz we hafta. That is the real reason.
All very depressing. All makes me want to get in bed and cry. All makes life really un-fun right now. So, I planned the pity party. Knew it was necessary. But then, as the party was about to begin, I was completely distracted by dinner, chappelle, my honey, red wine.......suddenly I kinda forgot about some of it. The wheels inside my head that spin out of control and take one little problem and turn it into 1000s.....stopped. By the time I knew it, time for bed. Sleep. Dream of a better tomorrow.
Woke up this morning, forgot all about the lack of party. Until now. Huh. I think it is funny how my pity party completely lacked tears, self loathing and that overwhelming feeling that things will never work out. So, no pity party for this girl. I can do all this. I can dig myself out of this hole I am in. And I will have a wonderful time on this vacation that I have been waiting 5 years for!!!!!! I am not going to let any of this crap ruin that for me or Max, damn it!! We need and deserve this more than anyone I know right now!
So, no more blogging.......gotta find a place to call home.

You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place. - Garden State

No comments: