Thursday, June 9

Positivity Crusade

Being a sarcastic pessimist has always come easy to me. I think I was born with a negativity spoon in my mouth. I love to complain, critique and judge. I know it is bad. I know it is wrong. Yet, I it is one of the few things that I am consistent at. Really it doesn't hurt anyone, I generally keep my grumbling to myself. Well, it seems that this little trait has been passed, through genes and constant contact with the negativity of my life, to my little boy. Sure, I make comments to people in regards to their driving while he is in the car. Sure, I remark under my breath about the lady in the grocery store who is being nasty mean with him in ear shot. But, I never really thought it would rub off.

He has always been a boy of high drama, someone who is always questioning things and pushing things to the limit. But rarely very negative. He is also the king of unfair. He crowns things unfair like it is going out of style. (note to self: that phrase may be very outdated!) But I really never thought he would become....holding my breath....a little me.

So, today he has accompanied me to work. It sounds way worse than it is. We are blessed to have a very nice size television with cable in our warehouse and there is always an extra computer to surf the web nearby. So, as a child who does not have cable at home, coming to work with mom is a treat. A four hour cable watching treat. Not the best thing for him, but not the worst. This morning before the cable marathon began, he started making a little project. He loves art! Definitely my child. He is always "making" something. He started clipping an old newspaper that was lying around. It looked like he was working on a ransom note of some kind. I made the mistake of commenting that he was scrapbooking like mommy. Well, not only did the word mommy crash like a ton of bricks, but how dare I suggest that he was *gasp* scrapbooking! He was making art. I had to laugh at my mistake. I couldn't tell exactly what it was going to say in the beginning, gave him artistic privacy, but he handed this to me when he was all done.

I thought, wow, that is really clever but wondered about the words. They were instantly troubling to me. Why would a nine year old comment that People Don't Know Life? What does a nine year old know about Life?
I had to ask him what it all meant. He said because nobody really understands life but they think they do and people are wrong. Whoa! Strong feelings from this young little life. He explained the man "looking for his life" and the guys cheering and with the trophy, they think that is what life is about, but they are wrong.

I have been thinking about this since 10:30 this morning. I can't stop. I have thought about his statement and if it is really true. Deep. I have been thinking about what could cause these deep feelings he has about society and life. For such a young child he has had many issues at school and seen a lot negativity come his way by mean hateful little children plus he has me grumbling on the side about everything.

So, I decided, along with my new plan to be healthy and fit, I am also including mental health. I need to think more positively and pass on the good vibes. That way not only will I feel better from losing the weight and eating right, but also from thinking right! This is going to be a hard one, no one likes to bitch and moan more than me. Plus, I get such a kick out of it. It will be a tough road but I am going to try my best so that we have a love of life. I also, need to review my own life and what I want/need out of it. Figure out if I know Life.

"Life is half spent before one knows what life is."

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